Today is my 25th birthday. Because my birthday falls on a Monday this year, my friends and I celebrated over the weekend. I wish I could tell you that I had the kind of birthday that makes Hallmark jealous. I wish I could say that I had a picture perfect birthday weekend and that I ushered in my 25th year surrounded by nothing but joy and cupcakes and pretty presents all wrapped up with bows.
Unfortunately, while my birthday weekend started off great it ended with a whole lot of tears. It ended with me bawling my eyes out on one of my best friend's couches and her assessing the situation and eventually saying to me: "First, I'm going to pray for you. Then, I'm going to make you a drink. A STRONG drink." Not exactly how I pictured celebrating the big 2-5.
I won't go into details ... the world wide web isn't the place for that. But I will say this: if you've ever had a moment in your life where something that you were so sure about suddenly came crashing down, then you can relate to how I'm feeling. Remember this post where I wrote about wanting an answer? Well, fast-forward two months later I was confident that God had spoken to me. I was completely confident that I finally knew, for sure and for certain, exactly what God was doing and where He was leading me and what He had in store for me. And so I opened my heart and let down my guard because I was sure God was telling me that it was OK to do so.
And then this weekend happened.
Is there anything worse than feeling like you've completely misunderstood God? I'm not sure there is and if there is then I hope I never experience it because, trust me, this feeling sucks enough thank you very much.
I am holding onto this verse this week - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways declares the Lord". (Isaiah 55:8)
It's comforting to know that even though I was wrong, God has known all along what He is doing and He will bring this all together for good somehow. Even though I'm heartbroken right now, I trust Him.
