everything beautiful

Don't you just love it when God gives you answers to a prayer in an unexpected way? I certainly do. Last night, I was feeling particularly discouraged about something - I'll save the details for another post, but basically I was having one of those days where I found myself questioning God's plan for me and my life.

"Is this really what You have planned, Lord? This is so unfair ... is this really what You want from me?" 

Later that evening, I decided to use up the last few dollars on my iTunes gift card and download some new songs. One thing led to another and I ended up stumbling across this song by Rebecca St. James. After a mere 30 seconds of listening, I was downloading it. The lyrics were EXACTLY what I needed to hear last night. Coincidence? I think not. 

Grant me serenity to accept things, the things I cannot change

Grant me the courage, Lord, to change what I can

Wisdom to know the difference

In my weakness, You can shine.

In Your strength, I can fly ...

You make everything, everything beautiful

You make everything, everything new

You make everything, everything beautiful

In its time, in Your time ... it's beautiful

Grant me serenity, and patience

For things will take time

Grant me freedom to walk a new path

And let me feel Your love

In my weakness, You can shine.

In Your strength, I can fly ...

You make everything, everything beautiful

You make everything, everything new

You make everything, everything beautiful

In its time, in Your time ... it's beautiful

Lifting open my hands to You my Savior

Beautify my soul

Knowing You redeem my pain and failure,

Purify my soul

Beautify my soul

You make everything beautiful 

- lyrics by Rebecca St. James, You Make Everything Beautiful

I am more than a job title ...

Confession - one of the questions I hate the most is "so, what do you do?"

I hate it because people tend to ask this question in the first 3 minutes of meeting someone new, as though a job title will immediately sum up all that this person is and all that he or she is about. I hate it because it's just downright nosy ... I mean, when you actually sit back and think about it, is it really anybody's business what you do for work? But, most of all, I hate it because it makes me feel inadequate. Because I can't say something impressive like "I'm a lawyer" or "I'm a doctor" or "I'm a crazy rocket scientist plotting ways to take over the world." I'm just an administrative assistant and even though I love my job & know that this is exactly what God has called me to do for the next little while ... it often just doesn't feel like enough. When they ask me what my career plans are and I explain that I hope to keep this job until I get married and have children, the look I often get makes me feel like that's not enough either.

I'll just be straight up honest .. this is totally a pride issue. The fact that I cringe inside every time someone asks me what I do for a living has *nothing* to do with my actual job and *everything* to do with my own insecurity and my selfish desire to impress. Lately, God has been showing me that if my goal is to impress people with my career or my job title or my income bracket, then I've missed the point. My ultimate goal in life should be to point people toward Christ so that HE (not me!) can impress them. After all, he's the only one who can truly impress. The rest of us always fall short.

I wish I could say that I woke up this morning and suddenly felt 100% proud of being "just" an administrative assistant ... that any insecurity I was struggling with in this area just vanished overnight. We all know it's not that easy. In a society that encourages you to do whatever it takes to move up the corporate ladder as quickly as you can, it's not easy to be at peace with a position that many of your peers unconsciously consider to be insignificant, unimportant. So, no .. I didn't wake up this morning to find that my longing to impress and be respected had disappeared ... but I did wake up with a new perspective.

One day, I will trade my emails and phone calls and invoices for diapers and teddy-bears and play dates at the park. But, until then, every time I step into my office, I want to remind myself that I am exactly where God wants me doing exactly what He has called me to do. He calls some to be CEO's and others to be administrative assistants and we are all equal in His eyes. My job description might not impress people at a dinner party, but {hopefully} my obedience to God makes Him happy. And, really, at the end of the day it's not so much about what you do but why you do it and who you are doing it for.

"In all the work you are doing, work the best you can. Work as if you were doing it for the Lord, not for people." Colossians 3:23

comings and goings

Laura and Davey, an amazing couple who have been my small group/Bible study leaders for the past year and a half, are leaving Vancouver at the end of June. They'll be packing up their small family and moving south, to North Carolina, where Dave was offered an amazing job as a university professor. I'm still in a state of denial and am so sad to see them go ... but, alas, so goes the life of a Christian. God calls, we follow. God calls and we pack up our families, rearrange our entire lives and start anew. We chase after Christ, wherever that may lead us.

Two thousand years ago, Jesus said to his disciples "follow me" and the Savior has been giving us that same message ever since. Follow, follow, follow. Trust and obey and go where you're called. Easier said than done, I know. And trust me, I really *do* know. The more I've gotten to know Jesus, the further away he's led me from the plan I had drafted out for my life.

"You want to study law? Follow me. I want you to study theology."

"You want to marry so-and-so. Follow me. First, you're going to have a horrible break-up and then I want you to be single for the next 4 years."

"You want to move to New York City? Follow me. I want you in Vancouver."

"You want to work full-time in a Christian environment? Follow me. I want you to work full-time in a strictly secular office."

I've learned that sometimes God leads us to the most amazing places that exceed our wildest expectations. Other times, we're led down into valleys that are so dark we're not sure we'll ever find our way back out. We're taken straight to that one place we *really* didn't want to go to and we question Christ's authority in our lives and try to find shortcuts to get to the path we think we should be on.

But - be it on a mountain peak or in a dark valley - if we follow Christ we will always be exactly where He wants us. And when we are right where He wants us, He will use us. And when he uses us, He will be glorified and lives will be changed. And, at the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

I will admit that this is definitely a little "pep talk to myself" kind of blog post because I've been struggling with what it truly means to follow God. I love living in Vancouver. I LOVE this city and everything about it and I would be perfectly happy to live here for the rest of my life until the day I die. But, recently, I've had a catch in my spirit and have felt God challenging me in my obedience.

"Would you go somewhere new if I called you there?" He's been asking.

"Why?" I answer reluctantly. "Are you calling me somewhere new?"

"That's not really the point," He replies, ever so patient. "The question is ... are you still willing to follow me?"

"Yes," I say with a hint of sadness because I know what this all means. "Yes, I will follow You. Always."

I know exactly where this potential "somewhere new" is. And I know exactly why God might eventually call me there. And I know that if and when that call comes, I will go ... because being obedient to God and following Him with my whole heart is the only way I know how to live.

I am praying that God will continue to soften my heart toward the idea of moving somewhere new and that I'll grow to be open-minded - maybe even excited! - about the possibility of one day relocating there if that is indeed God's plan for me.

xo

Faithful

I debated long and hard whether or not to post this, because it's kind of personal and I don't really like to talk about my finances much. But, after much pondering, I realized that God was calling me to be humble and honest so that His glory could burst through.

This week is a tough week for me, financially-speaking. For some reason, I have LOTS of checks going through all at the same time - my rent, my student loan payment, my VISA payment, my internet bill, my monthly bus pass, etc. Usually, that's not such a big deal and everything goes through smoothly ... but this week I also have lots of special events and gifts that need to be purchased. Add in some grocery expenses and yeah - it's a tight week. I know everything will go through and nothing will bounce and all will be fine, but there's not a whole lotta room for error or unexpected additional expenses.

Last night, for the first time in probably forever, I prayed about my finances. I told God - "OK God, this is it. I really need You to stretch every penny in my bank account this week. I need a fishes and loaves kind of story, Lord. Please stretch it until next pay day."

This morning, my boss came into the office and dropped a big purple box on my desk. "I know you're a big chocolate fan," he said, "and I found this lying around in my office from Valentine's Day. I'm not gonna eat it, so it's all yours."

YAY! I love chocolate. What a great way to start the day, right?

Oh, just you wait. It gets better.

When I got home, I opened the box. And sure, there was chocolate inside. Lots of chocolate, actually. But there was also hot chocolate mix, pancake mix, waffles, nuts, dried fruits and lots of other edible goodies. I stood in my kitchen and stared down at the open box in shock ... and then I cried.

That big purple box will not pay my rent. It won't make this week any easier on my bank account. But it was such a powerful, tangible reminder of how faithful God is. It was as if God swooped down from heaven and said "I heard your prayer. I've got this! And not only am I gonna stretch what you've got in that bank account of yours, but I'm gonna treat you too! Here, have a waffle! Have a chocolate bar!"

God is so amazing. He loves us soooooo much ... so much more than we could ever know or comprehend. I am so privileged to have a Heavenly Father who loves me that much & who cares about my every need.

Your love, God, is my song and I'll sing it! I'm forever telling everyone how faithful You are. I'll never quit telling the story of your love - how you built the cosmos and guaranteed everything in it. Your love has always been our lives' foundation, your fidelity has been the roof over our world. - Psalm 89:2, The Message